By Counselor Adofoli
It is interesting to know that men are birthed by women, raised by women, live and work with women, get married to women but don't know the language of women, and because of that, they find them so complicated. If a man speaks to a woman the way he speaks to his fellow men, he will always get into trouble with her, because she misinterprets him.
If a man treats a woman the way he treats his fellow man, he will always get into trouble with her. Women are different from men in lots of ways, they interpret things differently from men. They have their unique way of processing or solving issues. To get into their world, their minds, you need to learn about them.
Many at times men believe being rigid, strong, firm on a woman is how you get her to do what you want. Setting rules for her to follow, telling her what to do, where to go and who to speak to etc. This approach pushes her from you. As a matter of fact, you are doing that to keep her but that is how you lose her.
Instead of being strong on her, she wants you to be soft with her, instead of being rigid with her, she wants you to treat her with tenderness. Women draw closer to men who are gentle, kind, and affectionate towards them. They listen to such a man; they follow such a man. Women love gentlemen, he understands them, speaks their language and connects to them.
If she does something you don't like, instead of being tough on her, sit her down and find out why she did that, you have an opportunity to learn about her. She wants something you don't want, instead of being hard on her or imposing your way on her because you think you know better, rather find out from her, why she wants what she wants and that is another opportunity to learn about her needs.
The fact that she smiles at other men and talks to them, does not mean she shares with them what she shares with you. It is your duty to let her know how much she means to you and how much you value her. She keeps that at the back of her mind and she is not misled. Let her know you trust her so much that she won't want to go and do anything to ruin the trust you have in her. Let her know you respect her so much that she won't go and disrespect herself elsewhere or allow herself to be disrespected.
You don't do that by forcing yourself or views on her. When you learn to do this, she is so connected to you, she finds parts of her in you and that makes her happy. To her, you are special and cannot be compared to any other person because you understand her in a way no one does.
When something is worrying her, you are the first person that comes to her mind, she comes to you and pours out her heart to you. You become her confidante and secret holder. It is easy for her to talk to you because you will listen to understand, not to judge or school her. She comes to you because you understand her emotions and can console her with the right words and gestures.
It is unfortunate that lots of men treat their women like their employee, the relationship is too formal. Besides giving orders and instructions, they barely give attention to their emotional needs. When they call or chat, their tone and response is so formal; "Good morning", "How are you", "Where are you", "Who are you with".
How do you expect her to open up to you, she can't open up to the Boss on intimate issues, she is scared, intimidated. She feels the relationship is just about her man and at the least instance, he does not hesitate to let her know he is the man in the relationship. You don't need to be insensitive to be a man. You don't need to be arrogant to be a man. In case you don't know, a man is a lover, a father, a protector, a provider, a husband, a friend.
In conclusion, "I want those already wise to become wiser and become leaders by exploring the depths of meaning in these nuggets of truth” - Proverbs 1:5-6 (TLB).
© Frank Edem Adofoli