Written by Counselor Adofoli
One sad thing about people suffering from insecurity is that, they believe they are fine and rather find fault with their partners.
Such people do not only lack the confidence that they are good enough for their partner, they also live with the fear that their partner might leave one day. They don't feel safe or secure in the relationship, always thinking, imagining things, suspecting and doubting. They don't trust their partner enough to let them be alone, they are always on the lookout for something to accuse them of, either for cheating or infidelity.
They are restless in the relationship, want to be on the phone for a very longtime with their partner with the fear that, when they drop the call, he or she might call someone else. They hate to see their partner online at night or at odd times, they easily get angry and jump into conclusion that he or she is chatting with others. When they call and the phone is off or on call wait, their fear is their partner is cheating on them.
When their partner gets a phone call, they want to know who called, what they talked about, etc. They could go to their partner’s house at odd times with the suspicion that he or she might be with someone else. They constantly subject their partner to explanation for everything they do. No assurance from their partner is enough. Always monitoring the phones, their movement, etc.
Insecurity has more to do with the partner who feels like that. People who don't feel adequate enough either by their look, academic qualification, loss of job, illness or a history of a bad breakup as a result of cheating, infidelity or trust issue are candidates for insecurity. One big error is that, they never got over what they went through before jumping into a new relationship.
I am not in support of people who jump into relationships because they cannot stay alone. Relationship is not a solution to one’s feeling of loneliness. It is also not advisable for one to start a new relationship right after a break up. They don’t fully move on, instead they want to use the new relationship and the new partner to move on or escape or run away from what they went through or the pain they are going through.
You can run away from people but you cannot run from you or what you went through. You cannot run away from what you feel. You need to deal with that, recover from the past relationship. Regain your sanity, regain your trust, regain your mind, regain you before you venture into a new relationship.
You need to forgive the people who hurt you in the past, you don't want to go into a relationship with bitterness in your heart, you don't want to go into a new relationship with anger, you don't want to start a new relationship with mixed emotions.
Forgiving someone who hurt you does not mean you are doing them a favour. They don't have to show remorse or show that they deserve to be forgiven before you forgive them. It is something you do for yourself. You need to free yourself from the hurt, the anger, the betrayal, the weight of resentment and the pain you have been carrying around.
These negative emotions consume you; they are weighing you down, they are killing you, you need to free yourself from them. Life is too short to live as a miserable person, that all you do is to think of the pain someone caused you; to think of people who are dead in your life, people who need to be buried in your past but you rather carry them into your future. You cannot have a healthier relationship if you don't let go.
In conclusion "Guard against turning back from the grace of God. Let no one become like a bitter plant that grows up and causes many troubles with its poison" - Hebrews 12:15 (GNT).
© Frank Edem Adofoli